ribald (adj.) – indecently vulgar
in speech, language, humor
for
your edification: This word really comes in handy if you ever
get in any sort of trouble for your filthy, indecently vulgar speech,
language, or humor. Let’s say you’ve
been caught by your English teacher telling that joke you like to tell about
the group of nuns, the plate of tuna, and a poodle (classic!). Your teacher is shocked by your vulgarity, so you look her in the eye
and say, “I must apologize for my ribald
language and humor. My discourteous
tongue is unrefined in discourse, yet innocuous in intention.” Seriously, your English teacher (or mom, or
principal, or grocery store checkout lady) will be so delighted by your
stirring apology laden with impressive vocabulary that she’ll forgive your vulgar little mouth.
But, you
ask: how will I remember that ribald is the word that means indecently vulgar in speech, language, or
humor? I always say the best way to
learn is by example. So, here are some ribald examples that you may use
for your benefit:
1) When Pete McClaren’s biology teacher
reprimanded Pete for constantly using vulgar
speech, the ninth grader responded, “Sorry, Mrs. L. I didn’t think you’d mind. I’ve
always considered my humor ribald for her pleasure.”
2) The ninth grade basketball team
had a habit of discussing vulgar
acts as though they had lived them, when in reality they knew next to nothing
about, well, anything really. Anyways,
for whatever reason, for about a month and a half, the rumor spread that Joey
Maxwell had experienced quite the embarrassing occurrence when, for whatever
reason, he rib-balled Nicole
DeLesario. If you are unfamiliar with
the act of rib-balling, it involves the strange meeting of Nicole DeLesario’s
ribs, and – you guessed it – Joey Maxwell’s balls.
3) Finally, just when Joey Maxwell’s
rib-balling legend had lost its luster, Marty Davidson achieved the ultimate
ninth grade urban legend in which he reported that when he visited his brother
in college, he had taken part in a McRibald.
His peers listened in disbelief as Marty Davidson chronicled the outrageous
places that that one college chick allegedly (we don’t know her; she’s
Canadian) liked to put her McRib sandwich.
Indecent, indeed!
Hope I was of some service to you.
examplification - Carl: I sometimes wish I knew what the hell people were talking about.
Paco: Can you be a little more specific?
Carl: Yeah. My biology teacher yelled at me today for my "ribald behavior." I don't even know what that means.
Paco: Well, let's narrow it down. What were you doing when she got upset?
Carl: Okay. So, we were dissecting fetal pigs and I couldn't help but notice that the size of the pig's ribcage was pretty comparable to the size of my scrote.
Paco: Oh, wow. Please don't say you rib balled the pig.
Carl: I rib balled the pig.
Paco: No.
Carl: I mean, to my credit, it was a science experiment. A compare/contrast. I just had to compare size of the pig ribs to my balls. For science.
Paco: You rib balled the pig.
Carl: If putting your nuts into a set of hollow pig ribs is ribald behavior, then I guess I'm guilty.
Paco: You rib balled a pig.
