subversive verbal: torrid

torrid (adj.) – excessively hot; extremely passionate

for your edification: For this one, it helps if you live in Anytown, USA and have been to a shopping mall in your life. If you don’t and you haven’t, then it would help if you could just picture a shopping mall. You see, there’s this store in American shopping malls these days, and it is called Torrid. Just to give you a visual, the store Torrid is a clothing store in which the target consumer is the plus-sized teen. (For those of you unfamiliar with the euphemism “plus-sized”, it means clothing designed for the larger set.) And, by definition, torrid means “excessively hot” or “extremely passionate.”

Okay. Now I feel that we should talk this over. Somewhere, in some office building, there was a business meeting in which some group of seemingly intelligent, businessperson-type adults pitched this idea for a new store that would sell apparel for the larger teen girl. Great! I think that’s wonderful. But then, someone in that group of adults sitting in that important business meeting was like, “But, what should we call this store where we sell trendy apparel for the bigger gals? Hmmm. I’m thinking it doesn’t need to be entirely appropriate or anything. Like, maybe we could just pick some SAT word in which most parents won’t realize the definition is really something completely inappropriate (and as a bonus, may include sexual connotations!) for their larger-sized daughters. Hmmm. Let’s think. What’s another word for ‘excessively hot’ or ‘extremely passionate’? That’s just what I feel these perhaps-slightly-overweight teen girls should be. Oh! I’ve got it: torrid. Yes! That, by definition, is so, so hot. So very, very passionate. It’s perfect!” It's really the perfect feel-good American story, eh? No matter your size, creepy adults want to slut you up. I think Celine Dion even has a song about it.

examplification - Birthmark Tony: Dude, I cannot tell a lie. I don’t know what that Torrid store sells in East Point Mall, but the girls in all the ads and their excessively hot, torrid bodies are bringing the kind of thunder I need in my life.

Reginald: My sister used to shop there but she gained about a buck twenty and now she has to special order all her clothes from the Internet.

Birthmark Tony: Yo, can you text me her number?

Why am I here?

You're here because you need to get a kickass score on the verbal section during your upcoming date with the standardized test (GRE/SAT/ACT…whatever. They all feature words that you wouldn’t recognize if they bit you on the proverbial ass. Oh – don’t know what “proverbial” means? You came to the right place, my friend. Read on.). You’ve tried flashcards (let’s face it – you probably haven’t), your mom bought you four ginormous SAT books featuring super-handy CD-ROMs (by the way - people haven’t said “CD-ROM” since your mom took her SAT), and you’ve spent more hours deciding how you can cheat on your standardized test than you’ve spent preparing for it.

Well, howsabout you give it a go and try to remember your SAT words in some of these ways I’m providing, mmkay? Maybe you’re hoping that all the methods are a little dirty. Lots of ‘em are. Many aren’t. Some are stupid ways. Actually, most are stupid ways. But you know what? If it helps you raise your SAT scores, you’re welcome. If I’ve corrupted you and your precious love of innocent words, my bad, Boss.

It works like this: I give you the word, then the definition. Then I edify your brain (look it up), and then you get some examplification up in this piece. (Don’t look up that one; I made it up.)

torrid

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