wax

       wax (v.) – to grow in size

for your edification:  This one is great.  You know how they say opposites attract?  (sidenote:  who is this “they”?  “They” think they know freaking everything, you know?  “They” can totally eat it.*) They’re right, though (as usual.  Gah!).  Two opposites that go together like peanut butter and jelly (unless you have a peanut allergy.  If so, substitute peanut butter for either cream cheese or pork.  Strangely, both are decent with jelly) are our word, wax, and an old favorite, wane. Aah, yes.   Wax and wane:  unexpected prom dates; opposites.  Whereas wane meant “to diminish in size,” wax means “to grow in size.”  This is an easy word to remember, not only because of the whole inverse of wane thing, but also because everyone knows what one kind of wax is – you know:  the kind that grows in your ear.  What starts out as a teensy little barely noticeable dot of earwax sure does grow and grow in size when the common cold comes to town.  Yeah.  And if you don’t clean that wax from your ears every now and again, your ears will get all clogged and congested, and then you’ll lose all ability to hear high-pitched sounds.**  That’s what wax does.  It just grows.  Clean your ears.

* I’m sorry, “they.”  I’m speaking out of jealousy.

** This statement has not been proven by any person having any sort of affiliation with medicine, or ears, or logic.

Examplification – Crystal:  You are not going to believe who asked me out.

Paula:  Your creepy uncle who wears his boxers as shorts to our swim meets?

Crystal:  No.  Randy Risner.

Paula:  No!  You can’t go!  Randy Risner is so weird.  He’s totally gonna steal some of your ear wax to add to his collection.

Crystal:  His what?

Paula:  His ear wax collection.  He's been stockpiling wax from the ears of girls from our school. He only asked you out so his wax stash will wax.   I’ve heard it’s waxed in size, growing and growing ten times as big as it was since he first plundered my ears freshman year.

Crystal:  What a freak.

Paula:  Totally.

Crystal:  He’s so hot, though.  Maybe he can just ransack one of my ears.  And touch one boob.  One ear and one boob.  Nothing more.

Paula:  Dude.