dastard

       dastard (n.) – a sneaky coward

for your edification:  You know what a dastard is?  A dastard is someone who’s too sneaky and cowardly to be a bastard.  At least when someone’s a bastard, all their cards are right out there on the table.  “Hey, you!  Look at me!  I’m clearly a bastard, and I’m not ashamed who knows it!  P.S:  you’re a jerk! ” (Bastards are so rude, right?)  But with the dastard, all bets are off.  The dastard is sneaky.  The dastard is a coward.  The dastard is no bastard.  He’s not even half-bastard.  The dastard’s not even close to courageous enough to own up to bastard status.  A dastard tries to be all sneakily sly and pretend he’s some tough, hardass bastard.  But don’t get it sideways.  A dastard is not a bastard.  A dastard is a wannabe bastard.   No.  Not even.  The dastard is a dastard. 

Examplification – Rodrigo:  Did you freaking eat all my corn nuggets when I was in the bathroom?

Skinny Jim:  No.  You ate them before you left.  You were all, “Whoa.   These fried nuggets o’corn have made me suddenly need to empty my load.  Take it easy while I’m in the can, man.”

Rodrigo:  That didn’t happen.  You’re a bastard, dude.  Corn nuggets are my favorite. 

Skinny Jim:  Maybe the waitress ate ‘em.  She’s been eyeing my sausage stick all night, too.  I better shove it in my mouth before she swipes it from my plate.

Rodrigo:  You’re not even cool enough to be called a bastard.  You’re a lying, sneaky, cowardly dastard.  You have corn kernels on your lip, bro.

Skinny Jim:  Probably some lingering herps.

Rodrigo:  Corn-flavored herpes is pretty much your calling card.

Skinny Jim:  That’s so cold, dude.