sycophant

sycophant (n.) – a self-serving flatterer

for your edification - As I am sure you  are aware, it is the elephant that is the humblest of all creatures.  The elephant’s all, “Who me?  Well, maybe I’ve lost a couple of pounds, but I still have so much more to go! I just can’t seem to turn away from the peanuts.  A moment on my lips, a lifetime on my enormous elephant hiney!”  The elephant is amazing.  But we are not talking about the elephant.  We are talking about the jerky opposite of the elephant, the sycophant. Pronounced (more or less) like “sicko-fent”, the sycophant is the one always there with another plate of peanut butter cookies for the elephant.  This total sicko will tell you your butt does not look big in those pants and your hair does look cute like that, and the sicko will tell you these things just to get money from you or cheat off of your math homework or to get into your (big) pants.  Look.  You have a big ass and your hair looks like hell.  But, I’ll tell you that to your face because I’m not some sicko, self-serving flattering sycophant.  I’m gonna tell you like it is.  Facts.  And, you’re welcome.

Examplification – Birthmark Tony:  Lunch Lady Linda, how did you get out of my dreams and into the cafeteria so fast this morning?  All I can think about is you and your tater tots of desire, girl.  They taste almost as good as you look.    

Lunch Lady Linda:  Why don’t I throw an extra serving on your plate?  Go on and sneak around the cash register.  Your money’s no good here. 

Crystal:   You are a total sycophant, dude.  The tots aren’t even that good. 

Birthmark Tony:  If flattering Lunch Lady Linda for my own personal gain is wrong, I don't wanna stop my endless supply of retangle-shaped cheese pizza to be right.  You think she’ll make me a copy of the cafeteria key after I take her to prom?

Crystal:  Seriously.  You’re such a sicko.