paean

             paean (n.) – a song of praise

for your edification:  This is an amusing little word, because it’s pronounced “peein.”  When you start working this word into your regular vocabulary, your friends are totally going to think you are talking about someone peein’, and then you can laugh and look at them like they are slow (fatuous; inane; daft; obtuse.  Take your pick.), because you weren’t referring to someone urinating, but, rather, a song of praise.  Here’s how you can remember that paean means a song of praise.

Have you ever heard someone say they’re going to "pour a little out" for someone when that someone dies?  That’s, like, considered the highest form of praise.  Did you know that the act of pouring out one’s beverage when your homie meets his demise actually comes from an ancient tradition of peeing in reverence (that means praise) of the amigo’s life?*  Yeah.  It’s (not) true!  People in the olden days would find out that their comrade passed on to a better place, and all of sudden privates would be out and golden streams of urine would soar through the air in fountains of tribute.  It’s a magnificent honor to the dead to be celebrated by peein’.  It’s the definitive song of praise.  It’s the absolute paean.  I hope when I go, the ground will be urine-soaked in a smelly sea of paean peein’.  Really, though, we should all be so blessed.

* maybe not actually really entirely truthy

Examplification – Mitzi:  Muffy!  What the hell are you doing?  Why are you peeing in the middle of the football field?  You’re crying.  Don’t freak out, but I think someone roofied your skim milk at lunch.

Muffy:  Oh, Mitzi!  I don’t know how I can go on.  The love of my life, Miguel de la Vacío now  flies among the angels in heaven.  This is my song of praise to him.  I am peein’  as the ultimate paean for the love of my life.

Mitzi:  Oh God.  You are naked from the waist down, peeing in front of our school because a dude from a soap opera died?

Muffy:  Miguel is not just a dude from a soap opera.  He’s a supermodel detective oil tycoon with a heart of gold, and he’s my world.  I wouldn’t expect someone as unenlightened as you to grasp this, Mitzi, but, again:  this is my paean.

Mitzi:  Wait.  The guy’s character died?  Not the a-hole who plays him on South Florida Seduction?  Look at your choices.  You are literally urinating on our school football field because a soap character died.

Muffy:  This is a celebration of Miguel de la Vacío’s life.  My urine is my song.

Mitzi:  You’re a little drunk, aren’t you?

Muffy:   I would consider that accurate.  Yes.

Mitzi:  Let’s go ahead and pull your pants up.