hoary

        hoary (adj.) – gray or white from old age

for your edification:  I love this word.  Sometimes I feel like the word inventors from long ago had a magical crystal ball, and when they looked into it, my face appeared – beaming – nay – crying with joy and appreciation.  This is one of those words that makes me say, “Thank you.  You invented this for me, word inventors, and I love you.  I love you copiously, almost to inappropriate levels that might make others uncomfortable, but not quite.”  Okay.  Anyways.  Back to our word.

Obviously you noticed that our word hoary is a homophone of whorey, one of the best (non)words ever.  Friends, you know what happens to people who are super-duper whorey?  That’s right:  they age quickly.  All of a sudden, on account of all the whoring that they are doing, they are no longer young.  No; they look into the mirror, and they are gray, or even white from old age.  That’s right:  all of the sudden,  whorey whores have turned  hoary, often in the heyday of their whoredom.  (From what I understand) whoring ain’t easy.  Gray or white, old looking, and also just being a whore.  It’s hard livin’.  Just ask a whorey hoary whore. 

examplification -  Ralph:  Good grief, Patty.  Your grandmother just slapped my granddad when he asked her out on a date.  What gives?

Patty:  Sorry, Ralph.  It’s probably because she’s about forty years younger than your grandfather and she thinks he’s a pervy creep.

Ralph:  What?  Your grandma’s all gray skinned and white-haired from her old age.  She’s super-hoary.

Patty:  It’s not old age, Ralph.  My grandmother’s only fifty years old.  She just aged super quickly on account of her former life as a whorey whore.

Ralph:  Wow.  Sorry, Patty.    

Patty:  It’s okay.  Just make sure Gramps McHorndog gets the message.

Ralph:  Will do.